RENT in Fifteen Minutes
by alwaysflying
Summary: RENT. In fifteen minutes. 'Nuff said.


**RENT in Fifteen Minutes**

Mark: Fuck. Roger, check it out, we're getting evicted.  
Roger: Oooh. Can we set shit on fire?  
Mark: Totally.  
Roger: Hey, look: whore on floor two. See? (Winks at Mimi)  
Mimi: (Winks at Angel)  
Mark: Wait, where the fuck is Collins?

Collins: Owww…  
Angel: Hola! I be Angel magnifique! C'mon, I'll heal you with the Wonders of Sex.  
Collins: I'm so there. Wait a sec, can't. I have AIDS.  
Angel: Haha, sucks for you - oh wait, I have AIDS too. Come to support group with me?  
Collins: Yeah, right after sex. Hang on - are you a guy or a girl?  
Angel: Um.  
Collins: Oh.

Mark: I have to go find Collins. I hope he's not having sex with a drag queen again.  
Roger: Kay, have fun!

Roger: Woe! The pain that is my life! The constant strain, the endless strife! April's dead, can't be my wife, 'cause I'm a silly tart. So now I'm pining for my ex! I'm whining 'bout the lack of sex. The wand of fate has cast a hex upon my noble heart! Whoo. THANK YOU, AIDS GROUP!

Mimi: Dude, light my candle?  
Roger: Yeah, sure. Is that a sex metaphor?  
Mimi: Well, if you have to ask…  
Roger: Wait, wait! I've seen those breasts before. You look like my non-Hispanic, non-brunette, non-anorexic dead ex-girlfriend, April.  
Mimi: Yeah. Light my candle?  
Roger: So, like. You like guitarists?  
Mimi: LIGHT MY CANDLE!  
Roger: Yeah, yeah. Hey, where have I seen you before?  
Mimi: Light my candle? I work at a strip club.  
Roger: Hey, I don't work at all!  
Mimi: Light my candle. Like my ass?  
Roger: Hell, yes.  
Mimi: Light my candle. You look like my dad. Sleep with me?  
Roger: See above: Hell, yes.

Collins: Check out this catch.  
Mark: Nice chick you got there. I'd do her.  
Collins: …You do know Angel's a guy, right?  
Angel: A guy who just killed our landlord's shitty dog.  
Mark/Roger: I'd do her.  
Angel/Collins: Get in line.

Mark: Heya, Drama Queen Maureen said you need my help.  
Joanne: No way! I'm fine on my own! –electrocutes self-  
Mark: So, like. DQM calls you Pookie? It means she's dumping you.  
Joanne: Noooo. She never calls me that.  
DQM: HEYYYYY, POOKIE!  
Joanne: FUCK!

Gordon: I'm, like, almost dead, but hey, I feel great.  
Angel: Me too!  
Collins: Yeah, me –  
Mark: -makes tons of noise- Mind if I put you in a documentary and expose your innermost feelings to the outside world?  
Life Support Members: Sure, go ahead, whatever.

Collins: I'm opening up a restaurant in Santa Fe.  
Mark: But, um, Collins, you don't cook…  
Angel: Or manage things…  
Roger: Or live in Santa Fe…  
Collins: …So?

Angel: Love you, bitch.  
Collins: Love you too, babe.

Mimi: Yo, dude. Drugs. NOW.  
The Man: Sure.  
Roger: HANDS OFF MY CHICK!  
The Man: Yo, you wanna go?  
Roger: No, I want to have sex with Mimi.  
Mimi: I'd go for that.  
DQM: MOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
…  
…  
…  
Roger: So anyways. Come with me to Bohemia's birthday party?  
Mimi: …Sure…  
DQM: MOOOOO!

Mark: Inspiration!  
Angel: Dildos!  
Roger: Mylifesucks…  
DQM: Hey baby, wanna have sex?  
Benny's Client: AHEM.  
DQM: Duhhh… she's my sister…  
All: TO S&M!  
Benny & Client: I'm so outta here.

Roger: DUDE! There's a PADLOCK on our DOOR!  
Angel: Like, really. –smashes padlock-  
Mimi: Roger, baby, will you dress up as a girl for me?  
Roger: HEY! Where's our shit?  
DQM: Mark? Wanna sell out and make money?  
Mark: Oh, fuck you. –develops erection-  
DQM: -totally notices- You want I should take care'a that?

DQM: Haha, we're engaged… great… oooh, sexy waitress.  
Joanne: DQM! STFU! I HATE YOU WE'RE SO TOTALLY OVER! -spazx10-  
Maureen's Mom: Oh, so does that mean she can date you again, Marky-pie?  
Mimi: NO.  
Roger: …  
Mimi: I mean, cause, um, Mark's… a guy? A guy, right?  
Mark: Yes. I'm a guy.  
Roger: I wouldn't be so sure.  
Audience: WHERE THE HELL IS BENNY?

Benny: Two years ago I slept with Mimi.  
Roger!!!  
Mimi: Duh, that was before I met you.  
Roger: Don't care. Go die on the street.  
Mimi: -obeys-  
Angel: -is totally dead-  
Collins: SHIIIIT!  
Roger: -is still sulking-

Roger: Mkay, so I'm going to Santa Fe.  
Mark: I'm so over with this shitty job.  
Roger: He-hey, check it out! I'm back in New York again.  
DQM: SHIIIIIIT! MIMI'S HALF-DEAD!  
Collins: You want I should call an ambulance?  
Roger: Nah, I'ma sing her a song.  
Mark: Dude, when I said take a year to write a song, I didn't MEAN it.  
Roger: Shaddup. Mimi, your eyes are great. -stares at Mimi's forehead-  
Mimi: Yeah… soooo… Angel said I should, um, not die, so I'm here.  
Mark: CHECK OUT MY AWESOME MOVIE!


End file.
